I met her yesterday and the day before, but, I don't seem to remember her face.
We talked for hours under the tree, in the park where we first met, when things were getting rough for me; but, I don't seem to remember her name.
She knows everything about me. These six months have been the best since I broke up with Kim. After our breakup, I was reckless, I had no idea what was happening. I tried everything, from high dose of sleeping pills to the worst drug possible. I was dying. It was not only the breakup that made me so screwy to attempt a suicide, but, it was my father, my studies and the classes that I taught in. I was demented by her thoughts, by the memory of my dad, by the low grades and the stress of the class only added to the already worse situation.
I don’t really remember how and when I met her except that it was in a park. I was slumbering under the shade when a dog barked behind the fountain; there she was, buoyant, ecstatic, light-hearted. My spirits lifted as I saw her, walking with a pup in her hand; she had an aura of merriment and felicity around her.
Impetuously, I had started noticing the park for the first time. I did not know whether it was the colourful flowers, butterflies and the fountain or the appearance of the girl made the park more appealing. I could see butterflies practicing jitter-bug around the flowers, flapping their wings gaily on the harmony of the birds from the trees.
I’m sitting under the same tree; the park is just as it was six months ago but it isn’t as prepossessing as it earlier was; the day I met her and ever since. The flowers seem to have lost all its colours and fragrance as the butterflies aren’t dancing around them today; the symphony of the birds seem to be void of harmony; the fountain has lost its rhythmic flow of water and everything seems so blunt, or rather I’m being obtuse.
Every time, I would find her, sitting under the shade, as if she had been waiting for me, as if she knew where I was and when I was about to arrive. The welcoming smile from her, always brushed off all the folds off my forehead. The long talks and laughs seem to be lost somewhere in the row we had yesterday. I don’t know where it started or what was the argument about, except that when it ended, she wanted to end it. She wanted me out of the park and never come back looking for her, and here I am under the same shade, waiting for her. I know she won’t come, not today, not ever.
She said she would like to meet me on the other side, but, I’m afraid I’ll lose her there, just like many other people. I’m afraid, that if I leave this place and choose not to return, will she come with me? On the other side? On the real side?
‘Just take a leap of faith Suraj,’ her voice said, somewhere inside my head and I close my eyes.
I guess she was right, I cannot live my entire life inside my head, in my dreams, like the last six months.